dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
