The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
