My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
