I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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