I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
