I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
