It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
