Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
