i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
