Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
