It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
