so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
