not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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