Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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