Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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