i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
