This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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