hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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