Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize