Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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