his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
