I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize