i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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