nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
