she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
