It's Friday. Sex?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
