ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
