but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
