I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
