sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
