thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
