My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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