dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
