So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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