we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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