He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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