I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
