there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
