I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
