his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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