Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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