His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My bed smells like the plague
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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