He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
