I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
