PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
