So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dignity is for republicans.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize