Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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