You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
