my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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