I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
as a side note pls kill me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
