look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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