last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize