Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
