you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
