I smell stomach acid.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize