Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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