Yo dont text me then not text me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
