piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
