he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
