Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
