Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
