When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
