I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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