Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
