ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
