Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
