..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
