So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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