I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
