Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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