I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
BRING THE BAGELS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
