did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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