Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We were destined to go to rehab together
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
