I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize